The Break versus The Breakup

So, I went to Jamba Juice this morning, as I do every morning, and was met by the smiling manager, T. As I handed him my payment, he asked how my weekend was; I answered accordingly. His next question, "Are you ready for V-day?" My face dropped..."V-day"? Yes, he said, "what is your fella doing for you for Valentine's Day?" Ick, a Hallmark holiday! I had to tell him that the fella & I are currently on a "break". I wasn't prepared for the next few minutes of dialogue.

"A BREAK", he belted out; thank goodness there were no other customers in the joint. He continued, "What is this thing called a BREAK? and why is it different than a BREAK-UP?!" He proceeded to share that his staff at another location continually speak of the first condition, but not the second. It perplexed him and he thought I could shed light on the subject. Silly him.

I shared, quietly I might add, that I too, had no concept of the difference. When I first heard the news of a break from my "significant other", I took it as a break-up. I mourned the relationship, labored over the good versus the bad, put away pictures, cried on friends' shoulders, listened to sad songs while feeling like crap! But then I learned a few weeks later that the mourning was not necessary. We didn't break-up, he was "asking for time to think about things. It has nothing to do with you". There were other components that were outlined in the discussion, but I should not think of this current situation as a "break-up". Umm, I still consider it a break-up.

Manager T bursted into a hearty laugh and fired another question. "If either one of you hook up with someone else, is it considered cheating?" My politically correct answer, it depends on what the agreement is between the two parties. Manager T was not buying any of it. "It's all the same. The person calling the break is a chicken, wanting their cake and eating it too". Valid point, I thought. I left with smoothie in hand, pondering the question for the rest of the day.

Since I'm fortunate enough to experience a "break" and a "break-up", I can tell you emotionally it feels exactly the same. So many people today are faced with this conditon. The "breakee" questions: What went wrong? What did I do? How can I fix it? etc., all the while feeling hurt, empty and very foolish. By the way, you may not get an answer! I guess the main difference is that the "break" gives the parties a glimmer of hope that the relationship may resume in the future, especially, if it suavely presented. It's call denial. But a "break-up" is final. Here's your walking papers, sucker, now go and don't let the love door hit you on the way out. Ouch! However, the result is the same, someone is shattered, left putting pieces of one's life back together.

Maybe the "breaker" doesn't want to hurt the feelings of the "breakee". The "breaker" may think if they slowly push the other person away, maybe they'll get the hint and quietly disappear. That way the "breaker" then is not the proverbial bad guy/gal. So when asked, "where is your significant other", the "breaker" can answer with confidence and less guilt, "oh it just didn't work out." No dramatic stories to tell.

Possibly, it's a matter not really knowing one's self or what you want. So many people can't make the distinction between simple things in their life, let alone, the complexity of a relationship. What, you want me to make a decision about something? They want choices in this disposable society we live. I like to think, these unfortunate souls' heart and mind are not connected. They do not know themselves, so a healthy relationship will not work for them. It will elude them, therefore, they'll have to put their love interest on hold to find some cosmic solution . Some would say they needs to find themselves. The break implies, "hey,this is great, but can I maybe get back to you?"

I can continue to speculate and never get to the bottom of the question. All I can say that either condition is painful. Is it better to think things are going to get better between the two parties or do you cut and run? The latter, I suspect, as both conditions indicate that you should do just that. Run, Logan, run!! It's still OVER!! There are the optimists who say, a break can lead to something great. Possible, but how long do you have to wait? Miracles can happen, I guess.

So to the "breakees", Bono sings it best in the song Bad, "Let it go. This desperation, dislocation, separation, condemnation, revelation, in temptation, isolation, desolation. Let it go!" Please, don't get caught in their drama; hold your head up high and face the inevitable, it's a break-up. If you have the opportunity, like I did, kiss him/her tenderly while closing the door gently. And by all means, have a smoothie afterwards!!