Maven

"A person who has special knowledge or experience, expert".

The American Heritage Dictionary

Oh My..She Has A Blog Too...

Well shut my mouth, Missy created her own blog. Right on sister! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...she's a pretty good writer. I look forward to reading the adventures of a "tween".

Ode to a Peanut

It had been two weeks since I noticed the lone peanut sitting on the 4th step in the stairway at work. Nestled closely to the fold of the step, safely guarded from footprints and vacuums, it laid in wait. The first 10 days or so, the half was in tack, but one day, a small piece broke away, gaining its independence. Did they know they were separated? Did they miss one another or did they have a new found respect for each other? Each day afterwards, the two slowly distanced themselves from each. Amazingly, no one had crushed either piece. How long will they survive this existence?

As I approached the stairs, today, I was saddened not to see the "main" lone peanut. Had someone finally pick it up? Was it sucked into the nozzle of some vacuum and now circulating in an oblivion of dust, lint and gunk? There was no trace that it had succumb to any harm. Will the peanut be happier in its new home and did it miss the other peanuts from which it was separated from as well as its "li'l buddy"? Importantly, what will happen to the smaller of the two, that continues to lay on the step, boldy and bravely? A moment of silence....

Questions that we will never have answers. Tomorrow if the "li'l buddy" is there I will give it a new home. One day of separation in its current location is enough for it (or me) to bare.

I will miss the peanut; the joy it gave me each day being a part of its world.

HH Dancing

Tonight, I've returned from the 13th annual Hip Hop Dance competition; it was in a word amazing! Four years ago, no way would I have witnessed the beauty of so many dances had it not been for salsa. Introduced to people I never would have met otherwise, I've been exposed to various performances in Tango, Swing, Folklorico, Flamenco, Ballet, Tap and Salsa. Different dances but one common thread. People, music and the message. Dancing is one of the few things remaining in this world that remains pure! A world where one communicates thoughts and emotions without uttering a single word; the ultimate in self expression.

You can spot a dancer anywhere. They have a song in their heart and mind, not wallking but gliding with a 1,2,3 count. Rarely do they sit in their seats still and generally fingers are tapping rhythemically (da da dah dah da). And quite possibly, they're are choregraphing a sequence in their minds. If a group are together, more than likely they will break out and dance regardless where they are. Tonight, I certify, I am a dancer and darn proud of it!

Smiling tonight, I was more than thrilled to watch hip hoppers showcasing their talents. Of course, I had my favorites but they were all outstanding! Thank you Toy Box for extending the invite. And to those who've shared your passion of the dance with me, a hearty thanks to you also! Nuestro mundo, una canción y un baile!

Mystery and Matador

I'm sitting on the phone with my good friend, let's call him "Mystery" and I "Matador". We actually laugh about our code names because we "borrowed" them from the VH-1 reality show. You see, Mystery was the host of the show and Matador is his "wingman" teaching the "underdogs" how to be the ultimate "Pickup Artist".

Mystery and I go salsa dancing quite a bit together and try not to "c-block" each other, a very delicate balance. Yes, we do really dance, but every so often, one of us becomes the pickup artist and the other the wingman. Interesting enough, he's been very successful with the "game" having a female as a wingman than a guy. Yeah, I'm just that cool!

But now we're chatting about the Chino Hills reception, it was his family's event. The question, which one of us will remarry first? I say, Mystery, you'll be saying "I do". Although we're both the quinessential commitment phobes, women look at Mystery and think, "how can I make him mine?" He doesn't know that I'm privy to conversations among women checking him out when we're out on the town. It'll be a matter of time before one of the "targets" snags you, Mystery and then I guess, I'll be your "best lady" handing you the ring. Wow, think about the bachelor party. Ah, yeah, the Love Jones is calling ya, mi hermano!

In the meantime, we'll be our goofy selves, dancing and pondering the meaning of life.

Baile!

Loverman, Where Can U Be?

In the pouring rain, last night, I travelled to Chino Hills to a wedding reception. It was a family friend, so I knew there would be merriment, comfort and joy. Music and sweet aromatic smells of the Latin world; hugs and kisses with my extended loved ones filled the air. Salsa dancing took place immediately con mis hermanos. Viva bailar!

Almost immediately, I met him,"loverman". The onyx and platinum band circled the left finger like a badge of honor; he wore it well. Did he think I didn't notice? Smiling politely, I danced our one song, but he had something else on his mind. A barrage of questions fired at me to "get to know" quickly as he held me close, breathing in my perfume. The song could not have ended fast enough. Hey, bubba, thanks but no thanks! Uumm, isn't your wife standing in the corner waiting to dance with you next?

Loverman was transfixed on his prey. It does not matter how many times/ways you say no, he has to have you. The pursuit relentless; the rejection heightens the game. I had to cut the evening short, loverman wasn't giving up and the wife's eye was spying. Cold cocking a guy at a reception, so not chic!

Driving the 91 Fwy, thinking, this is something I'll never understand or get use to. It's peculiar because it just occurred with another "loverman" a few days prior. EZE said he was inspired by my fishnet stockings...he's been thinking about me for a long time; could we meet to "know more about each other?" Steady EZE, how would you Mrs. EZE feel about this liaison? "Ah, why do you have to bring her up", he says.

I've asked why does this behavior exist and why is it happening to me fast and furious? Am I wearing a sign around my neck, "Vivacious single seeking lovers of committed nature...husbands and boyfriends apply here". It's been said that lovermen has everything to gain and nothing to lose. If the lucky woman says yes, bonus, but if she smacks him in the face, no harm no foul. As EWF sings, "that's the way of the world", but it perplexes me and I don't want to accept that answer. Don't they know, I lost my spouse to a "lovergal" so I'm not buying the arrangement. But I guess as long as "interested parties" continue to play, all's fair.

Mental Feng Shui

We all get circulated reading(s) via email daily. Sometimes one catches my eye like this one, it's nice words to live by. Thanks, K Nunez for sending this one to me. As the reading suggested, I did pass it on to others so not to have bad luck!

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversatial skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4. When you say "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who have dreams, don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "why do you want to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involves great risk.
15. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
17. Remember the 3 Rs: Respect for self. Respect for others; and Responsibility for your actions.
18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
21. Spend some time alone.

Author Unknown

Everytime I Turn Around...

I was enjoying my drive home, thinking about all the things I wanted to do. The last person I wanted to see at my casa was him...Spock! We've been apart for over 4 years and I remember those last few years of our marriage when I could count on one hand how many times he was at home.I believe he was with her. But now, it seems every time I turn around (sing Jeffrey Osborne), the man is "hangin' and chillin' at my crib! Sure, it's always under the umbrella, that he's helping Missy with something, but does it take hours to do it?

Believe me, I have had cordial conversations in the past about not spending time here. It's simply inappropriate! He smiles and gives some excuse why it occurred "this time". Hey, buddy...this isn't your home!"

Friends have told me, Spock simply is comfortable here. How can that be; we didn't share this home together. Ah you see, part of it is reminscient of the past or that he just hasn't let go of "us" completely; and he never will! He may not have liked the marriage, but he enjoyed the benefits and enjoys the fruit of my new labor.

I am amused and frustrated by the whole affair considering he can do this but can not tell me, thusfar, that he's marrying this summer. Comfort and joy mixed with suspicious behavior. It really is all too much! So the question is, will the "extended visits" continue or will the "new found religion" called the envious new wife will put a stop to it? I suspect she doesn't know now and she won't in the future. Maybe I'll hang out at his house now!

Missy

Missy and I were watching the first episode of season 7 "American Idol". This is my 2nd season; I didn't buy into the series at first. Two hours of hopefuls, wishing on a dream. Many didn't have talent but exuded tons of confidence. And then, this one young 16 year old, a line backer courageously had her turn. She carried a lot of responsibility, her mother was ill; her hopes was to move forward in the competition for her mother! The young woman had a lot of heart, but she didn't have what it takes in the "music world". You felt sad for her but you knew there was another purpose in her life.

I looked @ Missy, tears streaming down her little face. At her tender age, she understood this young woman, all in 2.5 minutes. Missy was caught in the moment, she no longer could eat her cheese. I explained to her that we should feel good; this young woman battle the odds and made it into the doors and stood in front of the Power of 3. Sometimes it more important to take the chance, then winning. (Yes, I'm hearing my own message). Wow, the power of children, we taught each other a lesson. Missy has a kind soul; I see the making of a beautiful young woman emerging!

Teacher, Teacher

Spoke with my Santa today and discussed where will my career path lead me? He observed, "you are a resource to others; they gain information and convey thoughts/ideas with you." Have you thought of teaching as a profession? The thought of six year olds, singing "teacher, teacher" as the pull on my clothes flash through my mind. Or better yet, a classroom full of teenagers, chilling, watching the clock drag; so not paying attention to the subject at hand.

Actually, I've tolled with the thought for awhile, realizing I want an environment where people want to learn, explore and exchange ideas. The college/university setting would be the ideal place. And not long ago, I researched teaching English as a second language. He mentioned reading an article about US companies abroad with their own private schools needing teachers. Ah, an opportunity to share and travel at the same time, what a concept! Also, I come from a long line of teachers/professors on my father's side of the family. It's not a bad gig.

What holds me back? Laziness and the fear of being in debt are on the list. I've not studied in quite a while, unless you count learning salsa dancing and the 6 week "Quick Spanish" course I took a few years ago. Te gusta bailar? Si! Sheer panic, yikes! I can give numerous reasons, but it's only me stopping this quest.

So the wheels are squeaking in my mind....move, move, move (I think in 3s) forward and don't look back! It's exciting to think about it. We all can think of a teacher that inspired us, made learning exciting. Hmm, I can do that!

The Break versus The Breakup

So, I went to Jamba Juice this morning, as I do every morning, and was met by the smiling manager, T. As I handed him my payment, he asked how my weekend was; I answered accordingly. His next question, "Are you ready for V-day?" My face dropped..."V-day"? Yes, he said, "what is your fella doing for you for Valentine's Day?" Ick, a Hallmark holiday! I had to tell him that the fella & I are currently on a "break". I wasn't prepared for the next few minutes of dialogue.

"A BREAK", he belted out; thank goodness there were no other customers in the joint. He continued, "What is this thing called a BREAK? and why is it different than a BREAK-UP?!" He proceeded to share that his staff at another location continually speak of the first condition, but not the second. It perplexed him and he thought I could shed light on the subject. Silly him.

I shared, quietly I might add, that I too, had no concept of the difference. When I first heard the news of a break from my "significant other", I took it as a break-up. I mourned the relationship, labored over the good versus the bad, put away pictures, cried on friends' shoulders, listened to sad songs while feeling like crap! But then I learned a few weeks later that the mourning was not necessary. We didn't break-up, he was "asking for time to think about things. It has nothing to do with you". There were other components that were outlined in the discussion, but I should not think of this current situation as a "break-up". Umm, I still consider it a break-up.

Manager T bursted into a hearty laugh and fired another question. "If either one of you hook up with someone else, is it considered cheating?" My politically correct answer, it depends on what the agreement is between the two parties. Manager T was not buying any of it. "It's all the same. The person calling the break is a chicken, wanting their cake and eating it too". Valid point, I thought. I left with smoothie in hand, pondering the question for the rest of the day.

Since I'm fortunate enough to experience a "break" and a "break-up", I can tell you emotionally it feels exactly the same. So many people today are faced with this conditon. The "breakee" questions: What went wrong? What did I do? How can I fix it? etc., all the while feeling hurt, empty and very foolish. By the way, you may not get an answer! I guess the main difference is that the "break" gives the parties a glimmer of hope that the relationship may resume in the future, especially, if it suavely presented. It's call denial. But a "break-up" is final. Here's your walking papers, sucker, now go and don't let the love door hit you on the way out. Ouch! However, the result is the same, someone is shattered, left putting pieces of one's life back together.

Maybe the "breaker" doesn't want to hurt the feelings of the "breakee". The "breaker" may think if they slowly push the other person away, maybe they'll get the hint and quietly disappear. That way the "breaker" then is not the proverbial bad guy/gal. So when asked, "where is your significant other", the "breaker" can answer with confidence and less guilt, "oh it just didn't work out." No dramatic stories to tell.

Possibly, it's a matter not really knowing one's self or what you want. So many people can't make the distinction between simple things in their life, let alone, the complexity of a relationship. What, you want me to make a decision about something? They want choices in this disposable society we live. I like to think, these unfortunate souls' heart and mind are not connected. They do not know themselves, so a healthy relationship will not work for them. It will elude them, therefore, they'll have to put their love interest on hold to find some cosmic solution . Some would say they needs to find themselves. The break implies, "hey,this is great, but can I maybe get back to you?"

I can continue to speculate and never get to the bottom of the question. All I can say that either condition is painful. Is it better to think things are going to get better between the two parties or do you cut and run? The latter, I suspect, as both conditions indicate that you should do just that. Run, Logan, run!! It's still OVER!! There are the optimists who say, a break can lead to something great. Possible, but how long do you have to wait? Miracles can happen, I guess.

So to the "breakees", Bono sings it best in the song Bad, "Let it go. This desperation, dislocation, separation, condemnation, revelation, in temptation, isolation, desolation. Let it go!" Please, don't get caught in their drama; hold your head up high and face the inevitable, it's a break-up. If you have the opportunity, like I did, kiss him/her tenderly while closing the door gently. And by all means, have a smoothie afterwards!!

The Challenge Question

A girlfriend challenged me to name one thing that you like about myself. I giggled with embarrassment because even if you have an answer, would you tell anyone without sounding vain! To ease the pain, she suggested it could be a physical or personality attribute. Um ok! This exercise I should state was given so I can start thinking more about myself than about others. Mothers out there, beware, this is a trap one easily falls into.

One could say, my smile, but that would be an obvious choice and frankly quite boring. Another is perseverance suggested by my dear aunt, the Great Dane. Ah, the "persistent determination to adhere to a course of action", according to Wikipedia is a dead ringer for my personality. But I'm going to go with my "naivete". Those who know me well would say that if you catch me in the right moment, you'll be surprised when I show it, albeit the strong, confident persona that I give. Maybe it a sign of weakness, but I feel more human when moments erupt showing my lack of experience or I am simply guillible. It's the part of myself that I want to open up more, I guess that would evolve into being vulnerable. But I like feeling this way, not have my guard up so much and be "real"!

The Lost Boys

I had the most pleasant converstion yesterday with a former colleague of mine. We met 10 years ago, working together in Santa Ana. At the time he was working full time and studying to obtain his teaching credential to teach high school math. With perseverance, dedication and a lot of hard work, he is 3 weeks away from completing his student teacher & will begin looking for a full time teaching position. I admire him because he did this while getting married, having 2 children and maintaining a positive relationship with his spouse and his friends. While listening, he conveyed with enthusiasm his process, although trying at times, it was rewarding and he would not have changed a thing. He attributed his success mostly to his wife, who stood by him, even when things seemed neverending.

Refreshing to see that there are men in their late 30s who are committed to what life has to offer. In the past few years, I've witnessed a few "gentlemen" who "poo-poo" the concept of being a "well-adjusted" adult. I like to call it the "Peter Pan Syndrome", the lost boys content on living in Neverland. For them, each day passes without responsibility, no thoughts for the future or the past; just the here and now. Sure, they have jobs, friends, even relationships, but within that scope, they live for themselves in the present! Warning to those who become involve in their world; for you see you really are not. The lost boys don't really share their secret society with those unsuspected souls. For you see, they can exist for a small period time in our world, but they at some point go back to frolick in their land of unreasonable bliss.

I discussed this subject with my colleague, he too has seen an influx of this type of behaviour among his male friends in recent years. Perplexed glances exchanged between us and the bubble appeared over both our heads. Why is it? Maybe they had to grown up too fast for various reasons and now as they approach 40, they want to recapture their youth. Isn't that what Holden Caulfield wanted in the "Catcher in the Rye"? Wait, he was a youth, so it might work for him. I digress. Is it some sort of pre-mid life crisis? We did not have any reasons to satisfy the question. We just know one too many of these "lads" and wonder where will their lives be in the future. Oh yeah, they are not thinking about the future.

As the colleague and I parted ways, I smiled knowing, that he was not a "lost boy" and that whatever he chooses to do next...there will be a future for him! I appreciate he sharing his time and thoughts. I now believe again!

Welcome 2008!

Happy 2008! What will this year be for all of us? Of course, dancing will be part of my life. Spending time with love ones will also be on the docket. The traveling bug has me to, so San Francisco will be my first trip for 2008. It's possible Baja Calif will call my name too in April, dancing on the high seas? Maybe I'll throw a dart on the map and see what will be a destination for summer '08.

Maybe I'll do some home improvements since I haven't done anything to "la casa" since I've been there almost 4 years. Will my Martha Stewart buddy join me in the fun?

Is a new career path in my future? Only time will tell, but that's the cool thing about starting over every year...it's call possibilities!